Early in “One Missed Call” a snooty cat is yanked into a fish pond by a disembodied arm, unexpectedly following her owner to a watery grave. The moment is wickedly humorous and suggests a movie that’s unwilling to take itself too seriously. If only.
The latest Japanese knockoff to fetishize death by technology, Eric Valette’s reworking of Takashi Miike’s “Chakushin Ari” is a poker-faced puzzle whose biggest shock is the absence of Sarah Michelle Gellar. Subbing for so as to reconstruct regular is Shannyn Sossamon as Beth, a stern psychology student whose friends suffer grisly deaths after receiving heads-ups on their cellphones. These wireless warnings, each heralded by an eerie ring tone and disturbing visions, persist even after battery removal — as if the medium’s viral ubiquity weren’t already sinister enough.
A brow-furrowing blend of kid’s abuse and adult trauma, Andrew Klavan’s screenplay sacrifices coherence for atmosphere at every turn. As Beth tries to evade her own telegraphed demise — accompanied by a fantastically irrelevant police detective (Ed Burns) — the movie crawls with furry millipedes and creepy china dolls. When even the cunning Ray Wise (currently hamming it up on television as the cheeky Devil of “Reaper”) appears lost in the role of a reality-television producer, disconnection is the only possible response.
“One Missed Call” is rated PG-13 (Parents strongly cautioned). Characters are burned, drowned, run through and ring-toned to death.